Googling for a Cure

So, since I have Poison Ivy...on my face! And since need to be presentable in less than a week, I went out and googled for cures. Got to love Open Forums, you never know what you'll get.

Some suggestions:

1. Pee on it. (My face? No thanks. But anywhere is kind of hard unless you have "help"- ever feel like your life is turning into an episode of Friends? A Very Special episode...)
2. Pour Gasoline on it. (Um, seriously? That's a good way to die, but thanks)
3. Spray it with Pepper Spray. (Again, my face... Although you can't argue the effectiveness of a good distraction- like choking and crying)
4. Pop open the blisters, pour rubbing alcohol on them, and sit in the sun for hours. (Some people are just mean spirited)
5. Use steel wool or 3M Scotch Bright pads to scour the area, take a scalding hot shower, pour bleach over the affected area, rub it in good. And shower in scalding hot water again. (Some people are just psycho)

My favorite cure for the itching:

6. Sleeping and crying. (More like a symptom than a cure, but thanks, I've tried it, doesn't work)

Tales from the Day Job

Ok, first- a moment of silent sympathy please. (Pause for silence) I have... Poison Ivy...on my FACE. ACK! My eyelids! Inside my ear!

Ugh! Luckily I caught onto it pretty quick, usually I scratch and scratch thinking it is only a mosquito bite. So now I'm coated in clear gel. It is hardened on my face like a mask. I do have a nice botox like serenity to my face, as well as a healthy shine (gel tends to be shiny). But alas, it also tend to peel and flake making it look like I'm shedding. Skin. Ack! I'm supposed to look semi-presentable in one week for nationals. Which is probably the only thing keeping from cashing in a few sick days and clawing the heck out my face.

In other work news, today was a potluck lunch day. Now, I'm no Martha Stewart, but somehow I'm of the mind that if you are bringing food to a potluck, you will be judged on it. And so it better be your best stuff (or at least stuff that no one can fault you on, like the Fritos I brought once). But I guess these ladies use the potluck to clean out their fridge, 'cuz seriously the spread always looks more like leftovers at my Grandmother's house. And even the ones who make an attempt don't do it justice. A green bean casserole should not, I repeat not, taste like freezer.

So, like I said I really can't judge or cook, but people can't seem to figure my food offerings out. For the Brunch potluck I brought a seasonal fave: Clementines with a great little fruit dip. People were frightened by my mutant oranges. They didn't know how to use the fruit dip- do we dip it? Do we dribble it? Oh, we peel these?

And today was no different. I brought a salsa medley dip (basically it has black beans, shoe peg corn, bell pepper, celery, tomatoes, olives, salsa and salad dressing) and chips (Tostitos Scoops -hint hint). Is it a salad? Do we dip it? Can I put it on a Trisket?

Oh, and then my dyslexic typing method sent out a link to what was supposed to be PRONET, but tragically went out as PORNET. Not good.

I didn't want to do it...

I really, really wanted to hate (and laugh at) Paris Hilton's attempt at becoming at pop star. But alas, her song Stars are Blind is pretty good. I don't know if she wrote it or not, probably not, but it is kind of catchy. And while her voice is obviously aided, it has a quality. That said, it isn't my typical music taste, but I can certainly appreciate a good thing. I just wished she totally sucked, I was looking forward to some of my fave $5 word: Schadenfreude.

Also in my guilty pleasure chest:

Yo Momma- an MTV show where kids basically tell Yo Momma jokes. I have no idea why I find this one so compelling.

Ocean Drive- another MTV gem, this one with models and evil twins!

Rock Star: Supernova- OK, I'm not really all that guilty about this one. I love rock, I love new and different versions of songs, and, yea, I love tattooed, dirty rock stars who are hella-nicer than Simon Cowell. I love that they take the high road, even when they are being brutal.

I'm sure I've got more...